Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to the Dr. Random podcast. I'm Dr. Sarah, and here's the deal. We don't do boxes here. Every episode is different, every conversation has its own flavor, and no topic is off limits. If you're looking for predictable, this isn't it. But if you want real conversations, honest takes, and a touch of intellect in the best way, you're in the right place. This is Dr. Random Podcast.
Hello, and welcome to the Dr. Random Podcast. I'm Dr. Sarah, and today I have Aaron Silverman, who is co founder, executive director, and dad of Ari for the Ari Foss Foundation.
And I'm just forewarning you guys might want to get your Kleenexes out for this one, but it's also going to be very informative, and so. And I think we're all going to learn together.
And so, Aaron, can you tell me about the story of why you started the Ari Foss Foundation? Kind of what happened, however you would like to lead into kind of opening up for everybody to explain what the Ari Foss foundation is all about and why you've started this.
[00:01:22] Speaker B: Yes. First, thank you for having me here. So when we talk about the Ari Foss Foundation. So the Ari Foss foundation is named after my wife and I's first son, Ari.
He passed away during birth back in July 2014.
And going through that grieving process, well, we went in to have a healthy baby, and then we left without a baby. And we had to quickly shift to how do you plan a funeral logistically, and then also, you know, financially planning for that funeral?
I guess, fortunately, my background science. So I just started Googling, how do you do this?
And then financially, unbeknownst to me, my mom created a GoFundMe account for people to help pay for medical expenses and funeral costs. When we went through it, and it was nice that complete strangers I didn't know were helping us in our. In our darkest time. And so the idea of the Ari Foss foundation came from that, because there really aren't any resources in that area that help you plan, because you should be focusing on grieving, not going out on the Internet and Googling, what do I do?
And so that. So that was the start of the Ari Foss Foundation. We wanted his name to live on.
And prevention is obviously ideal, but there are so many great organizations already trying prevention. There's no way we could make a difference. And since there was nothing in the realm of what we do, it's how the. The we came about. And so our, our main program is called the Cremation and Funeral Financial Assistance Program.
We work with MUSC and Roper St. Francis, and they refer families to us that have had a stillbirth or neonatal loss. And we help plan. I mean, we don't help plan politics. We help pay for cremations and funerals.
[00:03:11] Speaker A: Okay. That is just. I can only imagine, you know, I've never myself, obviously, I don't have children. I've never even been pregnant. I will tell you that that's very personal. But, you know, I feel like we're getting personal today. So I just can't imagine dealing with that kind of loss and grief and then having to worry about what you're just saying. So the fact that you come in financially help people kind of lift that burden off. Because I can't even, you know, imagine the state of mind dealing with something like that. You know, you probably maybe forget how you even tie your shoes, but you can, if you're comfortable, if you want to talk about that kind of.
[00:03:59] Speaker B: Yeah. So the average.
So when you start looking statistically at how this happened, I mean, it can happen to anyone of any race, any income level. It happens. But predominantly it is lower income families that it is impacted. So even a $250 cremation is beyond the means of some of the families we help.
250 might as well be 500,000 to them. And so for some of them, we are the only resource to pay for these items. And for us, the. The need necessarily isn't money. It is, you had a loss. And so whether someone really needs our financial support for us is irrelevant. The. The need is you just lost the child that you wanted.
[00:04:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:42] Speaker B: And you're leaving the hospital without your child. And so that's where. Where we come.
Okay.
Okay.
[00:05:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:05:18] Speaker B: Yeah. So.
[00:05:32] Speaker A: This is good why we're not live. Right.
We can make edits later.
[00:05:48] Speaker B: Yeah. For my property management company, a podcast, but it was just me.
[00:05:51] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah.
[00:05:53] Speaker B: All this stuff is foreign.
[00:06:00] Speaker A: I wanted to block you visually, but.
[00:06:06] Speaker B: And I can talk a little louder as well. Like, I try.
[00:06:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:06:09] Speaker B: I try not to be too loud.
[00:06:10] Speaker A: Yeah. Be loud.
[00:06:11] Speaker B: Okay. All right.
Okay. All right. Yeah. All right.
[00:06:29] Speaker A: Okay.
Okay.
Were you in the middle of talking about something or do you want me to just wrap. Okay. All right. Okay.
So.
So the mission and the vision of the foundation, it sounds like, you know, we've gone over that.
But say, you know, for our audience out there listening, what is it that you feel like is important that you really want to, you know, get across to them?
[00:07:05] Speaker B: So this happens more than people think roughly one out of 106 pregnancies, and then stillbirth or neonatal loss.
And so it's being that it's kind of hard because it's like when. When someone goes through it, you kind of tend to see you don't necessarily want to be there because it's kind of awkward. And so just, you know, be there for someone when it happens. And if you do go through it, it's.
It's tough, but, like, you have to still get yourself out there, Like. So I'll use myself an example. My wife and I, we kind of collapsed in on ourselves. We didn't go out. We didn't do anything. We just kind of bathed into grief, and it was. And then that's really hard to come out of. And, like, in retrospect, like, we should have been just going for maybe walks around the neighborhood, maybe going to the park we both like soccer, maybe going to a battery soccer game where we're, like, in a crowd, but not interacting with anyone.
[00:08:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:04] Speaker B: Just to have some sort of being out there and being normal. And so, like, if, you know, someone going through grief, whether they've lost their child, a parent, or a sibling or spouse, invite them out, go for a walk with them. It's not necessarily. You don't need to give words of encouragement or words to help, because really, nothing you say is going to help.
[00:08:22] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:08:22] Speaker B: But you physically being present, that's what helps.
[00:08:26] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:08:27] Speaker B: So that way they know they're not alone.
[00:08:29] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think, too, you guys, I know. I think you maybe listened to my first podcast episode about father loss, fatherless daughter.
And so dealing with that grief, of course, is, you know, completely different. But like you said, it's like when you've gone through sudden grief or things like that that aren't expected, there's, you know, a trauma attached to it. And it is, you know, it is. It's hard to know how to be there for somebody, but I think that I would say the first thing that you don't do is ask, how are you?
[00:09:01] Speaker B: Right. Yeah.
[00:09:03] Speaker A: You know, I mean, it doesn't. And that's, you know, not to make people feel bad, but that's just not the right question.
[00:09:10] Speaker B: Right. And so the way I like to phrase it. So coincidentally, I had coffee this morning with a. With a father of a family we helped. For the first time ever, I've met families that we've helped, but in public settings, like the memorial walk we had last year, some of them came. Some of people have come to fundraising events We've done. But this was the first one on one.
[00:09:29] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:09:29] Speaker B: Because, like, two years ago, when we started helping, I. I probably couldn't, like. So even for me, the nonprofit is still therapeutic.
And so I lost my train of thought.
[00:09:41] Speaker A: Oh, coffee this morning?
It's okay.
[00:09:44] Speaker B: Yeah, no, before that, though. They talk.
[00:09:46] Speaker A: Oh, I said, not asking, how are you doing?
[00:09:49] Speaker B: Yes. Sorry.
[00:09:50] Speaker A: It's okay.
[00:09:51] Speaker B: Perfect. So I apologize.
[00:09:52] Speaker A: No, you're fine.
[00:09:53] Speaker B: The. The way I pair the way I phrase the question is, all things considered, how are you doing? Or how are you holding up? So that way, I'm already prefacing it with, we know things aren't good.
[00:10:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:05] Speaker B: But from the preface of things are horrible, how are you holding?
And so that way, like. Like we're addressing the issue, not just like, hey, how's your day? It's sunny. Are you good?
[00:10:15] Speaker A: It's, you know, and I just can't imagine.
And I'm just gonna say this. Going through neonatal loss, stillbirth, that must just probably paralyze people with fear for a future trying again. Is that.
[00:10:34] Speaker B: Yes.
And so that would be more of my wife's realm of her concern, going through things. I don't like to put words in her mouth, but I do know, because we now have two children at home since. Since we've lost Ari. We first had a daughter and then a son.
Pregnancy was very scary for her, and quite frankly, for me too, because once you've become a statistic, you really worry about things that statistically are a very small percentage.
[00:11:02] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:11:02] Speaker B: And so it. It does impact you in the future.
[00:11:07] Speaker A: And.
And, you know, I think the resources. What struck me so much is just this topic in itself. Like you said, it's not something a lot of people think about or focus on, but it does happen, and it's there. And people. It's real. People go through this loss and grief and just. I mean, it. It's just so sad. And, you know, and it.
I think that, you know, we all need to have a heart for this area. And I think with your foundation, that's a way for people to help out and support, you know, people that are going through this. So I think what you're doing is really amazing.
And, you know, when. And you said that there's only.
You said, like, you think you guys are the only foundation on the East Coast.
[00:11:56] Speaker B: So, yes, we're the only one in. In the Charleston area, for sure. In our region, we're the only one.
I haven't researched it in a while, but, like, the only one that I've found that was similar. It's out in the west coast and they require a bunch of paperwork to show that you've tried to get help in other places.
[00:12:16] Speaker A: Interesting.
[00:12:17] Speaker B: And we have flipped that on its head. We want to be the first point of assistance.
[00:12:22] Speaker A: I love that.
[00:12:23] Speaker B: And so, but the, I guess the downside is we only work with referrals from Musc and Roper St. Francis right now because we have relationships with those hospitals and we're able to verify with the hospital that there was a loss. So that way we don't need death certificates, we don't need additional paperwork because we want to make it as seamless as possible. It's just a form on our website that gets submitted and we contact the hospital to verify the loss, and then we make the payment to the vet, the providers, the funeral home, or the amatory.
Um, and one thing that I really wanted is when, when my wife and I left the hospital, the hospital gave my wife a folder, you know. Okay, standard folder.
[00:13:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:03] Speaker B: In the left hand side, there was stuff on her physical health. How can she take care of herself? On the right side, there was information about religious resources, mental health resources, if, if you so wanted that stuff. But nothing on planning a funeral and what, what, what comes next. And so part of the Ari Foss foundation is I don't want people going to find us online.
So we created this brochure, okay. That talks about what we do.
And it's. This goes into the brochure at the hospital, into that, into that folder, this brochure goes into the folder. So that way families know that we're there. And so that's the big thing we're trying to do is push information to the families.
Even like in here on the first page, it says that this is difficult. Ask a trusted family member to help. So, like, we're even telling them up front, rely on your network to help.
And we've recently received a grant to develop a second program. Okay. Which we call the Education and Support Program, where there will be another brochure with this one that will link to other nonprofits that provide resources and in the area.
[00:14:15] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:14:16] Speaker B: And so, so we want to get more into that, like, whole human side of it, not just the financial side. And so that way. Yeah, because right now our support begins and ends with the payment to the provider. But we'd like to become a hub to send them to nonprofits that can help them in other ways, support groups that can help them. So we're actively building that out from a grant that we recently received.
[00:14:41] Speaker A: Yeah, that's, you know, just that you talked about having the presence of friends during this time or presence of family when you're going through grief and loss. The AR foundation, to me, I look at it almost like a presence for people at the hospital when they leave, that they know that you're there, that they can reach out to and get, you know, the assistance they need for this. It's probably something that is just, you know, I can't even comprehend how overwhelming or heavy it would feel.
[00:15:10] Speaker B: And it's, it's an odd thing to find comfort in knowing that you're not alone and that other people have been through it. Because when we went through it, I thought like this never happened, like that something was wrong. Like it just doesn't happen. Like we're this weird anomaly that happened. As I started looking into it, it is more common. And then like people within our network would came and said, hey, yes, I had a loss too, or I know someone that had a loss. And so that makes you feel less isolated and you're more part of a community, one you don't want to belong to.
[00:15:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:47] Speaker B: But there knowing that others have been through that as well. And so I mentioned our memorial walk. We had our first memorial walk in October of last year, 2025 at Park Circle. And families that I've never met heard about us. Whether it was, you know, through advertising or whatever that came out.
[00:16:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:08] Speaker B: Was lost child in like 2000, in 18, in 1980s, in the 80s. And we're coming out and talking about it and so that was really nice to see that there is, we are building a community where people can come out and share.
[00:16:22] Speaker A: Yes. And it's like you're promoting healing too.
And that's, you know, so important. And that's the thing with loss and grief. You could have lost somebody maybe two years ago or 20 years ago, but you, it's hard to describe to people that you can still feel that pain. Like it happened yesterday.
[00:16:40] Speaker B: A hundred percent. Yeah, it's been, it's been over 11 years. It'll be 12 this summer. And there are some days it feels like it was last week. Just depends. And, and it's really random. You never know what's going to trigger that strong emotion. And then there's days where I can talk about it this with you and I don't get emotional, but there could be a point. We say one thing and I might get teary eyed and you just, you just never know. So it is something you'll carry for Life.
[00:17:08] Speaker A: Yeah. And, you know, do you. Just curious.
So the hospitals currently or they didn't. When they don't offer any kind of support.
[00:17:20] Speaker B: So MUSC does.
MUSC has a wonderful palliative care program, and through their nonprofit arm, they are able to help families.
[00:17:30] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:17:32] Speaker B: And they have a lot of leeway in how they can help families. Like, if it's a family that's struggling, they could maybe help with some food.
You know, here's some grocery money, here's a gift card. Go buy some groceries. And so we really can like essentially double what they can do. They have financial.
Due to their foundation's requirements, they have limitations on what they can do. So we can come in and help as well. But then a lot of other hospitals, they just, they don't have any sort of financial support in this realm. And families are left on their own to figure it out.
I know when we, When I first met with Roper St Francis, the nurses that were at that meeting were very appreciative that they now had a resource to provide because they wanted to like, like the, the front line individuals. Those nurses have a lot of empathy with the families and they just never had an outlet. Now they do. And so from over St. Francis and MUSC, I've had individual doctors and nurses reach out to ask, like, to help the family. Like, hey, can they contact you? And I'm like, yes, definitely.
[00:18:40] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:41] Speaker B: And so it's not necessary. It's definitely not the nurses and doctors not wanting to help. It's just there wasn't the structure for it and we're trying to fill that need.
[00:18:51] Speaker A: And would you say, do you have any projects or initiatives or anything currently you're working on that you want to share with the audience?
Anything specific?
[00:19:02] Speaker B: Well, we are building the education support program. That's a big thing that we're working on.
We are due to grants, like, so we kind of expand to the hospitals where we get grants from. And so we're. We've got some grants to move down into Beaufort and Jasper county hospitals. So we'll be doing that in the next month or two.
South Carolina is broken out into four Pregnancy care, OBGYN care.
Excuse me, It's.
There's a perinatal region. There are four regions. MUSC is the regional center for our region.
[00:19:40] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:19:41] Speaker B: And then there's the Midlands, and then the Piedmont. McLeod Medical center is in the Piedmont, like it's up in Florence. And then Prisma Health is in Columbia. And then the upstate region is broken into two sections and they have two hospitals there. So our goal is to expand into McLeod Medical center because what happens is once we can get into there, we now have coverage for the highest risk patients in that region.
And so we want to.
We're expanding down to Beaufort and Jasper because we got grants from down there, not from the hospitals, but from public entities down there and then go into those regions, regional centers. So that way we have coverage of the highest at risk families.
[00:20:23] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:20:23] Speaker B: In the state.
[00:20:24] Speaker A: And people that support and work for your foundation, are they. Is it all volunteer?
[00:20:29] Speaker B: I'm gonna assume we have one staff member.
[00:20:31] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:20:31] Speaker B: She is full time. She does fundraising and marketing. And so. And then I. I'm the executive director and it is a. I volunteer my time.
[00:20:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:41] Speaker B: And so. But we are looking to hire a part time project manager here soon because as we grow and build more relationship with hospitals, it's just like more than what I can do on a volunteer basis because I, I do have a company that I run that helps pay for.
[00:20:59] Speaker A: Okay.
And out, let's say in the audience, maybe somebody recently or is currently dealing with this kind of grief with neonatal loss or stillbirth.
What would you want to share with them to try to reach out to you guys? Do you have anything you feel like on your heart you'd want to share with them?
[00:21:26] Speaker B: I. I don't.
I don't know what to share like on a one. On one level because it is such a individual experience.
Just every loss is unique. Every family structure is unique. Like, when I say family structure, me, like support system. Yeah.
That you have. Maybe your parents are close to you, maybe they're not. You might have a lot of close friends.
Therapy is what therapy is great. It took me about a year and a half before I started therapy.
[00:21:59] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:22:00] Speaker B: My wife started before me and then I started. And therapy was a long and difficult process.
But I learned a.
My, My therapist figuratively beat it into my head. I'm sure she wanted to literally do it, but she couldn't.
Both. And I can be both happy and sad at the same time.
[00:22:21] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:22] Speaker B: And so that was a really hard concept for me to learn.
And so every time I felt happy, like we had a daughter and I would be happy, but then I'd be guilty that like my son's not here. And so that would lead to a downward spiral of emotions because I'm like, rationally I knew I'm allowed to be happy, but at the same time I'd feel guilty that I was happy and so wasn't good until I finally like grasped.
[00:22:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:42] Speaker B: Both. And
[00:22:44] Speaker A: I can.
Yeah. And recommending therapy is always good.
[00:22:49] Speaker B: Yeah, I, I highly recommend it. And my pipe dream, and this is a pipe dream, is that with our education support program one day to be able to help pay for therapy for families that have had a recent stillbirth or neonatal.
[00:23:04] Speaker A: Yeah, that would be.
[00:23:05] Speaker B: And so, but that's, that's, that's a big dream. First we want to be in every, we want the cremation and funeral financial assistance program in every hospital.
And that's a few year project.
And then once that's done, we can then look at the potential resource and
[00:23:23] Speaker A: remind me and remind the audience again. How long have you been running the Ra Foss Foundation?
[00:23:30] Speaker B: So there's two dates.
Officially 2015 is when we started the nonprofit.
But I had, we had Haley, my company that I run, got busy and then in 2023 we, we had like $5,000 roughly sitting in that bank account for ever. I mean not forever, but since it was started, we never did anything with it. I was like, let's just start paying for funerals. Because the initial goal was to build the education and then grow into paying for things.
[00:24:00] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:24:00] Speaker B: But we're like, no, you know what, we got $5,000, let's start paying. And we ran on money. We'll figure it out then and see how we haven't run out of money yet.
We've helped 54 families to date with cremation and funeral. Funeral assistance.
Yeah. And we have a full time employee.
[00:24:19] Speaker A: So, so amazing.
Yeah.
And Aaron, can you basically tell us, you know, and how we can fight the listeners to get connected with you or how they can support the foundation? What would you like to share with everyone listening?
[00:24:40] Speaker B: So depending on where you live, we have our memorial walk in October.
It's a. We ask people to register. It's at Park Circle. It's a public space so anyone can show up. But we asking people, you know, to help support us by registering. It's a we. We try to make it into a fun event so it's, you know, we can remember the children that we've lost and have a good time doing it. Like whether we have a gentleman who played music, food trucks, vendors, but also you can follow us on social media, you can follow our newsletter and as with every non profit, donations are great.
We, I view donations a little.
I'm very, I want to make sure like so we have two. Fund two pots of money. We have our general operating funds and we have our cremation and funeral financial assistant funds.
If someone Donates and they designate the donation for the cremation and funeral financial assistance fund. Those are only used to pay for cremations and funerals.
And so. And so we have separate funds for, you know, running the business, paying for our staff member, your website and all that kind of stuff that comes out general operating. So that way if someone donates, they can choose how that donation is work is applied, they can choose strictly to only help families, or they can donate to the general fund that we use. And so, yeah, so donations are always great and helpful
[00:26:10] Speaker A: and I just want.
And is there. I think we'll kind of wrap up here, Aaron. And thank you so much for joining me here on the Dr. Random podcast today.
And I want to thank the audience for tuning in and hopefully you guys have learned as much as I have and that, you know, we'll join in on the walk and keep R.A. foss foundation on the top of our list for supporting and donating and just send a lot of prayers their way. And I think that, you know, you guys are angels for doing this.
And I just want to thank you for coming on the podcast today and kind of educating all of us. And there's anything you want to close with real quick, I'll let you. Before we.
[00:26:53] Speaker B: I appreciate you having us here. We're a small non profit trying to become bigger.
Like I always say, like, we're not happy. We help families. We're grateful we're able to because we wish the families had their healthy baby at home.
[00:27:07] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:27:08] Speaker B: And so what we deal with is very hard for a lot of the families.
And so just you following us online, like our social media helps because also like, it helps us get sponsors, believe it or not, like, so we can say, like, hey, we have followers on social media and that way when we sponsors for events, events and stuff. So but if you do know someone's been through a loss, just go say hi, take them a meal.
[00:27:34] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:34] Speaker B: When we went through our loss, someone created a meal train for us.
I told my wife, I don't want those people in my house, even if they're friends or family, leave them be. I was so glad they came every single time because it helped pull us out of our darkness.
[00:27:48] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:27:49] Speaker B: So, okay.
[00:27:51] Speaker A: All right, well, thank you again, Erin and Ra Foss foundation, everybody, and thanks again for tuning in and listening to the Dr. Random podcast. And as always, I will say ciao.
